


The Next Great Prophecy

by blindedbythetomlinsun



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1d, 1d drama, 2015 - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, THIS IS THE WORST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN, This is trash, WHAT EVEN IS THIS TITLE????, also, babygate, directioners - Freeform, idek what to tag, idk why i even wrote this, im so sorry, its there for like 1 second i pROMISE, jesus im so sorry, larry lovechild, liam likes bingo, like holy crap guys, niall is a faker, shitpost, this is literally one big shitpost, well i do but idk what compelled me to actually PUBLISH it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4501230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindedbythetomlinsun/pseuds/blindedbythetomlinsun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a One Direction fan in 2015 is a full-time job.</p><p>Or: a prophecy / prediction of what will happen next in this rollercoaster-like fandom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Next Great Prophecy

**Author's Note:**

> please don't take this seriously AT ALL oh my god this is trash I AM TRASH ignore this my hand slipped f uck myl ife
> 
> this is based off of my friend's remark (she's flyingmintybunny on tumblr):  
> "im honestly watching all of this 1Drama from the sidelines pretty much confused, but im having fun predicting the next event. for example: next, zayn returns. the baby rumours are untrue, briana isnt pregnant - but louis himself is. harry styles is replaced by prince harry. niall reveals he's not actually irish, he's just been putting on an accent this whole time. the possibilities are endless."
> 
> so yeah if you wanna blame someone for this trash bLAME HER (jk don't do that she's so sweet and not even in the fandom pls be nice)  
> anyhow I'm so sorry for what you're about to read and you might wanna have some water and soap handy so you can scrub your eyes out afterwards

Being a One Direction fan in 2015 surely has its perks; there’s never a dull moment, hasn’t been since the clock struck midnight on New Year’s. Of course, the fans are confused and near finished with all of this nonsense, and the boys know this too, but both parties can’t help but be thrilled with suspense at  _what’s going to happen next._

_~_

It starts a few weeks after Louis breaks his silence regarding the baby. The awkward remark on Good Morning America hasn’t gone unnoticed by audiences worldwide, and many have interpreted it as Louis not actually being too thrilled at the prospect of being a father. Surprisingly enough, this turns out not to be the case. The boys have announced via Twitter that a new video is to be released, and Directioners freak out en masse with the expectation of a Drag Me Down music video. Again, this is not the case.

“Hi, I’m Louis from One Direction,” Louis begins, the only person onscreen at the moment. Only his chest and up are visible, his lower half obscured. “And I’m here to set the record straight. Yes, I am going to be a father as I  _am_ expecting a child.”

Fans everywhere let out a simultaneous sigh or gasp, but continue to watch on, riveted.

“However,” Louis continues, “Briana is not the mother of the baby.”

A commotion occurs as the fans speculate, whispering urgently among themselves and posting on all sorts of social media.

“Briana’s not the mum? #LOUISWHAT,” one fan tweets.

“what even is this video??” another posts on Facebook. Those of the Tumblr community have already began their analyses.

“Now, I know you’re wondering why we told you that she was,” Louis says, voice shaking slightly, “and I can honestly tell you that it was to give the illusion that the child has a mother.”

This of course does nothing to ease anyone’s confusion.

“The truth is,” Louis says, taking a deep breath as the camera slowly starts to zoom out, “I’m the one who’s pregnant.” The camera comes to a stop as a full-body shot is displayed, revealing the hint of a bump the oldest member sports.

Needless to say, the fans erupt into chaos, and the last bit of the video is barely heard:

“Harry Styles is the other father.”

~

Management is not very happy with Louis going behind their backs and outing himself and Harry, which is why the next scandal arises shortly after the release of the video.

“It’s with a heavy heart that I tell you I’m leaving One Direction,” Harry tweets a few days after. “So sorry to you all. I’ll miss you, thanks for everything. Much love, H x”.

The fans are in outrage, but most can’t even say they were surprised - everyone had expected Harry to go solo eventually, especially after releasing his solo track Don’t Let Me Go back in 2013. But this means that One Direction now consists of Niall, Liam, and Louis, and the fans don’t think they can handle that.

~

Zayn comes back. The fans are ecstatic, of course, but with him comes another new member - Harry. Not Harry Styles, rather, Prince Harry. At this point, the fans don’t even bat an eyelash, and treat him as if he was there since the beginning. And you know … maybe he was.

~

It’s almost as if Harry Styles never existed, save for the occasional mention via Louis when asked about their baby. Other than that, nobody speaks about him, he hasn’t spoken either, and Prince Harry makes quite a nice addition to the band - Styles who?

~

Niall isn’t Irish. Well, he is, sort of. On his mum’s side. His dad’s American, and our dear Niall was really born on the lovely island of Nantucket, Massachusetts. His Irish accent had been faked the entire time. His mum taught him how to put on a convincing one, and it went on from there. He speaks in his American accent from then on, and the fans treat this like it’s the most normal thing in the world. If you were to mention Niall’s Irishness to one of them, they would scoff at you and accuse you of being uneducated; “Niall’s not Irish, you idiot. He’s American, where did you get your information from?”

~

The fact that nobody questions anything anymore could be passed off as too many scandals in one year that everyone is immune, but it goes deeper than that. One Direction is really a weapon of the British Government, created to brainwash people all over the world with their charming looks and angelic voices. Listen to one song and, sorry, you’ve been affected, whether you realize it or not. The world population is slowly but surely falling to the control of the British, quite the opposite of the words Louis once sung: “No control.”

~

It should be surprising that Larry coming out is completely forgotten about. In fact, Larry itself is swept under the rug what with the sudden disappearance of Harry Styles (who?). It’s almost as if he’s disappeared from the face of the Earth, but really, who’s to say he even existed in the first place?

~

Total chaos ensues, and nobody is to be trusted. Yet, the Directioners don’t know this. They are unaware. No longer the perceptive, analytical beings they once were; now hollow shells, blindly following the actions and antics of a robotic boyband who have lost their smiles and radiance. To outsiders, it has become clearer and clearer that these fans are in a trance, brainwashed, under the control of the robots, but to them, this is business as normal in the One Direction fandom and buy Drag Me Down on iTunes, please. No? You should, it’s a great single. (It’s been months since Drag Me Down was released and the 5th album never made an appearance, yet DMD is all that can be focused on in regards to the fans. It’s almost as if anything that happened following it’s release is lost and unbeknownst to them. This could be a possibility).

~

Liam has a bingo card. It’s full of predictions for new scandals regarding the fandom. He takes great pride in it, seeing as it’s the size of a movie theater screen. He seems to be the only sane one left, unaffected by his own band’s brainwashing motives. As the world crashes and falls around him, he looks down at his bingo card and stamps the last available space - “1D will cause the world to burn.”

**Author's Note:**

> JESUS WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE I’M SORRY MY HAND SLIPPED OH GOD I AM TRULY TRASH


End file.
